


Who are you to me?

by slof



Series: Oneshots [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bro there is like no fluff, M/M, Sad, Sad Oikawa Tooru, but there is this mastuhana moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-07 17:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21461635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slof/pseuds/slof
Summary: Tooru figures out that Hajime didn't pick the same college as he did.That's alright. Tooru and Hajime are their own people.But why the hell didn't he tell him?
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553797
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	Who are you to me?

**Author's Note:**

> Tooru be like :(( and Hajime be like >:(( and Matsuhana be like :|| :||

When Tooru heard that Hajime wasn’t going to the same college as him, he didn’t know how to react. It wasn’t even Hajime who he heard it from. Hajime hadn’t told him yet. No, Tooru learned it from Issei.

His elbows were shaking leaned on his legs, his body moved over his knees, eyes stared at the ground at his tapping toe. Tooru’s entire body felt heavy. 

“Hey, Oikawa, did you hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tooru said with a dry throat. He didn’t look up from the floor, but Tooru felt around on the bench seat beside him in the club room trying to find his towel. “I heard, Mattsun.” He wiped the sweat that was left from practice off his face and stood up. Tooru had decided to do some extra practice with the volleyball team despite their season being over. 

Still, Tooru’s legs were shaking. It wasn't that it was because they were going to separate colleges. Well, it kind of was. Hajime and Tooru had always been together since it was the beginning; they had been through everything together.  _ Everything  _ and that wasn’t even an over-exaggeration. Tooru knew Hajime since they were kids, ever since his mother introduced him to Hajime. 

He remembered being scared of Hajime when they first met. There was that mean look on his face as he hid behind his father’s legs. He didn’t look like he even wanted to be friends with Tooru.

Tooru even remembered when they first finally talked. He was maybe five years old hanging out in the sandbox outside his house. Tooru was shoving sand into a light blue pail, his legs spread out with the bucket sat in the middle between his legs. He froze when he noticed something small and dark-brown crawling around in the sand. There was a dropping feeling in his stomach, and Tooru couldn’t find the air to let out a scream. 

The bug moved closer to him, and Tooru felt tears of fear welling up in his eyes. A tear rolled down his cheek and dropped into the sand, the shade of the sand turning from a pale to a dark tan.

“H-h-heyy, bug,” Tooru was finally able to stutter out. His foot kicked up a little and knocked back some sand. He tried to back up but there was no strength in his arms to move himself. The bug inched ever closer, and Tooru finally let out a scream.

“Ah! No, please! Don’t come closer!”

“What are you doing?” Tooru quickly looked up behind him. There was Hajime.  Hajime stepped into the sandbox and picked up the bug with his bare hands. He inspected it carefully, and Tooru stared at Hajime just thinking about how insane he was.  Tooru was shaking, pale, a few tears wet on his cheeks. Hajime was in awe while staring at the bug, a small, soft smile placed on his face as he inspected the creature.

“You’re insane.”

“Huh?” Hajime blinked a few times before his eyes landed on Tooru. Tooru was shaking a little while leaned on the back of his palms, the sand digging into his skin. He wanted to wipe away his tears, but he was far too scared to move. “It’s just a bug.”

“‘It’S jUSt A bUg’--Get rid of it, Iwa!” Hajime raised an eyebrow, but he seemed to shrug off the nickname as he turned. He reached a tree and set the bug down on a leaf, a smile on his face as he watched the bug crawl up to other leaves and head all the way up the tree. After he was satisfied with how he left the creature, Hajime headed back over to Tooru and held out a hand.

“Get up, you scaredy-cat.” Tooru looked between Hajime’s face and his hand. His fingers were wrapped in bandages, and Tooru had just noticed the dirt smudges on his cheeks, arms, and hands. It was as if he was playing out in the woods which was insane since to Tooru since _he_ was never allowed out in the woods by himself despite it being very small and easy to navigate; Tooru had been living there for years so you would think his mother would trust him in the woods he literally knew as if it were the back of his hands.

“I’m not a scaredy-cat!” Tooru whined as he accepted the hand, and Hajime pulled him up to his feet. He was strong. 

Tooru was finally able to really get a good look at his face now. Dark brown eyes, really dark. They almost matched his hair color. His cheek had a slight smudge of blood on it, a small scrape. Tooru reached forward and swiped his thumb along it. Hajime winced and slapped away Tooru’s hand.

“Sorry, Iwa. Your cheek is bleeding.”

“Who cares? And who said you could call me that?” Tooru shrugged. Hajime clicked his tongue, and he started to walk away but Tooru didn’t let him. He ran up to him and wrapped an arm on his shoulder.

“Iwa! You’re so rude!”

“Shut up.”

Tooru and Hajime really started hanging out after that. They had study dates, days they’d hang out in the park or at the beach, Tooru was finally allowed to go run through the forest now that he had a friend to run around with.

Their relationship lasted a lot longer than Tooru had thought. They were in Junior high together; they played volleyball together; they still studied together; they hung out together. Dammit, Tooru was the one who got him  _ into _ volleyball. He brought him to a volleyball match so Tooru could watch his favorite foreign player and even got his signature signed on a rag.

Tooru and Hajime practiced as kids.

Tooru and Hajime played together in competitions as teens.

Even as young adults, Tooru and Hajime lost heading to Nationals.

They did it all together. Tooru thought they were always together, and that was mainly true which was a little bit of the reason why  this bothered him so much. Tooru would have to be alone, and being without Hajime would be strange, but he knew it was inevitable. The thing that bothered him was what Hajime decided after picking a college.

Why the hell did he not tell Tooru?

“Oikawa? Hey, are you alright?” A hand placed on his shoulder. “You keep spacing out.”

“I’m fine, Mattsun.” Tooru snatched the keys from Issei’s hand. He tried to keep his composure, the shaking want to start crying. God, he was selfish. Tooru looked at Issei and gave him a peace sign. “I’ll lock up! You head home, Mattsun! Leave trust in your captain.” Tooru paused, and his cheery facial expression dropped. “Former captain.”

“Yeah, thanks, Oikawa. See ya.” He knew Tooru, and Tooru knew that Issei could read his expression. There was always that clear amount of respect between the two when things got serious. Issei gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder, but the comforting motion toward him just made him want to break down even more, it made him just want to complain to Issei and ask why.

Why did Hajime not tell him? Why did he have to learn from Issei? Why could Tooru not picture a life without Hajime? How would he pass school? Who would pull him out of his bad moods? Who would come over and take care of him when he got too sick to be able to take care of himself?

Tooru had thousands of questions, but the only thing he said was: “See you later, Mattsun.”

When Issei left the locker room and the door shut behind him leaving Tooru alone with only his thoughts, Tooru broke down. That was it for him. He slammed his back against the lockers and slid down. His fingers ran through his hands, and he let out a deep breath. 

“Iwa,” he began quietly, “you’re so stupid.” As his breath shakily slipped his lips, tears slipped and rolled down his cheeks. He felt the warm tears run down his cheeks, neck and then soak into the collar of his t-shirt. “Why the hell are you leaving me?” Tooru pulled his knees to his chest, and he rested his chin on the top of knees. He let out a shaky breath as he wrapped his arms around his legs. 

Tooru didn’t know how long he was seated there with his back pressed against the cold lockers. Tears fell from his eyes every few seconds, a small, quiet sniffle every now and then, a hitch of his breath once and a while. Tooru could’ve sat there until morning until someone walked in, but when his phone buzzed, Tooru snapped out of his thoughts.

He pulled the phone out of his pocket while letting his legs fall into a crossed position, his other hand moving up to use that towel he was still clutching to wipe away the snot from his nose.

**>Iwa♡✰:** Hey, Shittykawa

**>Iwa♡✰:** Your mom texted me asking where you are

**>Iwa♡✰:** She’s called and texted you

**>Iwa♡✰:** Why are you not home? What the hell are you doing? She’s worried

**>❤TOOORU❤:** Really?!?!?

It was true. Tooru looked at his call log, and he had multiple missed calls from his mother and Hajime.

**>❤TOOORU❤:** Oh shit 

**>❤TOOORU❤:** Sorry, Iwaaa~

**>❤TOOORU❤:** Tell my mom I’m on my way !!

**>Iwa♡✰:** Tell her yourself, idiot

**>❤TOOORU❤:** Right, sorry

**>❤TOOORU❤:** So rude, Iwa!

Left on read. 

“What did I do wrong?” Tooru whined as he let his phone drop from his grasp so he could run his hands down his face. He smeared the half-dried tears on his cheeks. “Why is Iwa mad at me--so mad at me that he wouldn’t tell me something so damn important?” Tooru sighed and let his hands drop to his lap.  He needed to get home, he knew he did. 

Tooru finally got to his feet. He shoved his kneepad, knee brace, and sweaty t-shirt into his bag. There was a long stare at his locker before he closed it. It was clean, bare. No pictures of him and Hajime hung up anymore from when they were kids, nothing left on the bottom or hanging on the hooks. Tooru had cleaned everything out the day after they lost the last tournament of Tooru’s high school career. 

Tooru wiped the warm feeling off his cheek and shut his locker. It’s not like it was the end of his volleyball career, but it was the end of him playing with this team, with these people.

With Hajime.

No, no. He would be able to play with him again, right? Hajime didn’t hate him. They would still be able to keep in contact despite being miles and miles apart, right? 

Tooru stared down at the keys in his hand. Tomorrow, he would probably be handing these keys over to Shigeru and Yuutarou. Officially. He had to focus on school now so there was no more joining Sejioh’s first and second years with their extra practices even though the season was over.

He took a deep breath, and Tooru finally left the club room.

* * *

Weeks passed. Fucking weeks passed and Hajime still hadn’t come forward to tell Tooru about him going to a different college than him. Hajime didn’t know that Tooru knew so it would only make sense for him to tell him. So, why was he not telling him? Why hadn’t he told him?  Hajime acted normal in class as if nothing was wrong. Looking at what he was doing, Tooru could tell he was doing college things, but he never talked about it at all. 

Tooru needed to ask. 

“Iwaaaaa,” Tooru dragged out as he leaned on Hajime a little. He could hear the shorter male let out a sigh as he tapped his eraser on the desk.

“What?”

“You know what I’m doing for college. Where are you going?”

“Not sure yet.”

_ ‘He’s lying?’ _

“Really? You’re not coming with me?” Tooru sat up straight and stuck his lip out in a pout. “Iwaa! You’re sick of me already?”

“What kind of question is that?” Hajime never looked up from the paper he was working on. “Of course I am.”

“So rude!” Tooru backed his chair up so he had room to rest his chin on the desk. His eyes peeked over at what Hajime was working on.

“Just get your work done and stop complaining, Crappykawa.”

“Only if you stop with the nicknames.” Hajime scoffed. Hearing that brought a little lift up to Tooru’s self-confidence. He had gotten at least that out of him.

“Whatever.”

* * *

Tooru sat on his bed staring down at his diploma. The graduation party at his house had cleared out, everyone had gone home, most of them in taxis from being too drunk to drive themselves home. He heard a soft knock on his door, and Tooru looked at it as it slowly peered open.

“Tooru?”

“Hey, sis,” he mumbled quietly. His eyes stared back at the small, black cylinder in his hands. “What’s up?”

“‘What’s up’? Seriously? You’re asking me that when you’re like this?”

“Oh, whatever could you be on about,” Tooru asked while rolling his neck to look up at his older sister. She was leaned on Tooru’s desk with her arms crossed. Never could Tooru get a lie past her successfully. He sighed. “It’s Iwa.”

“Hajime? What about him?”

“He’s going to a different college.” Mumbling it out loud, even if he could barely hear himself, Tooru thought it sounded ridiculous, and it really was.

“And? Hajime is his own person.”

“I know that.”

“Then what’s the problem, Tooru?” Tooru sighed. He tossed down his diploma at the top of the bed near the pillows. His hands planted down on the side of him on the bed, and he picked himself up and moved him further back on the bed so he could lean his back against the wall. Tooru pulled up his feet and hugged them. 

“It’s just--I know he already picked a different college. Mattsun told me.  _ A month ago _ . But he hasn’t said anything about it. He even lied to me and said he didn’t know what he was doing yet.”

“So, you’re thinking that you did something wrong and that’s why Hajime hasn’t told you anything yet?” His sister asked. Of course, she was right on the mark. She was one of the very few people that knew Tooru completely. 

“Yeah.”

“Tooru,” she began to say as she let out a sigh, “I know Hajime. That’s not why.”

“Then why?” Tooru asked, and the question almost made him break down into tears.

“Ask him yourself, Tooru.”

“‘Ask him’...” Tooru trailed off as he watched his sister leave the room without saying another word. He was lost. Tooru couldn’t do that. He was already walking on eggshells around Hajime. Straight-up asking him why he was lying to him? It wasn’t just something he could  _ do _ . 

Tooru was at a loss, and he really needed Hajime. Especially now. He needed the support for college but Hajime wasn’t responding to his texts.

**>❤TOOORU❤:** Iwaaaa!!~~ 

**>❤TOOORU❤:** How’s your grad party going, Iwa?

**>❤TOOORU❤:** Iwa, so rude! Leaving me on read :((((

Why was this happening? Why? Tooru felt it hurt, and he really felt it hurt in his heart. Hajime was the only thing that made him feel better when he was down. How could he possibly have a life without him?

God, what was that feeling in his gut? He couldn’t let it go. 

* * *

Takahiro banged on Tooru’s bedroom door, and Tooru felt like he was going insane. Would he please just give him more time? 

“Oikawa, come on! For fuck’s sake, dude. You know Iwaizumi! If we're late, he's going to leave early and not give a shit.” Tooru pulled the black and white striped shirt over his head. He pushed his arms through the sleeves of a navy blue button-up and rolled the sleeves to his elbows.

“I’ll be right out! Geez, Makki!”

“You’ve been getting ready for twenty goddamn minutes!”

“WAIT.” Tooru let out an annoyed huff. He stared at himself in the mirror, mostly looking at his white jeans to make sure there weren’t any stains as he fumbled with putting a watch on his wrist. His head snapped over when the door opened.

“You piece of shit, what is taking so long--” Takahiro’s eyes scanned the room. He noticed the small trash bin by Tooru’s desk that was almost overfilled with used tissues, the empty tissue box itself tipped over on his nightstand, the multiple scattered books opened and laid out on his messy bed. “Oikawa--”

“Let’s go, Makki.”

Tooru sat at a table near the train station with Hajime sitting in the same seat of the booth as he was, Issei and Takahiro on the other side. The other two were laughing and talking about something, Tooru wasn’t really listening. He was too focused on picking at his phone case with his fingernail.

“We’ll be right back.” Tooru looked up. He cocked an eyebrow as Issei and Takahiro stood up from the booth.

“Huh?” 

“Well, one man can’t carry the food and drinks for four people. Come on, Hanamaki.”

That left Tooru and Hajime.  They hadn’t really spoken much, and Issei and Takahiro knew that there was this tension between them. 

Well, according to Tooru, it was tension, but if you were to ask the other two, it was something other than that. It was sadness, fear, maybe a little regret? Love?

Issei leaned on the counter with his elbow as he waited for the food to get given out to them. He rested his chin on his hand and looked past Takahiro toward the pair of childhood friends sitting alone in the booth together. Squinting at them, he really dug around his mind while thinking.

“Hanamaki, you think they’re gonna be okay?”

“Mhm?” Takahiro gave them a quick glance and looked over at them before looking back at the other. He gave a small shrug. “I’m sure they’re gonna be fine. Iwaizumi always solves the issues between them.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Issei hummed in response. “What about us?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re still gonna be good, right?”

“Don’t be stupid, Matsukawa.”

Tooru stared at the black screen of his phone. He would slowly flip it to the back and then the front, repeating it with no purpose other than to cure his boredom and distract him from Hajime. Though it was clawing at him, and Hajime was about to leave. If he left, Tooru would never be able to get it out.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?” Tooru wouldn’t look over at him, but even though, he could feel Hajime’s glare at the side of his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Mattsun told me months ago that you picked a college. Why did you lie and never say anything about it, Iwa?” Hajime was silent for a bit. It drew Tooru crazy. He bit at his lip, and he swore he almost cut into it.

“Don’t start this shit, Oikawa.” Hajime finally said.  Broken. That fucking broke Tooru.  “I’m about to leave. We’re gonna go our separate ways, you’re gonna find a girl or whatever and get married, go pro.” Hajime stopped looking at Tooru. Instead, he turned his head to look out the window. “Whatever.” 

Tooru didn’t have a response. He wore that if he went to say something, he would cry. How could he say that? How dare he basically plan out Tooru's future for him? After everything they’ve been through, Hajime was about to leave without even trying to keep a relationship between them. Maybe it was a mental breakdown thing. Maybe a few weeks into college Hajime would start texting him, they would meet up, hang out, it would just be like how it used to be. Everything would be fine. 

Issei and Takahiro returned with the food and drinks. The four of them shared the last meal they would have together in a while. It wasn’t sad; it was fun. Tooru pushed Hajime out of his thoughts as best he could to enjoy his time.

That lasted until Hajime had to hop on the train to take him hours away to his chosen college. Issei and Takahiro shared a hug with Hajime who joked around with them. When it came time for Tooru’s hug, it was weird. There was something about the hug they shared that was different. It was missing something, though there was also something there that had never been there before.

“See ya, losers.” Hajime waved off before he boarded the train. The three watched as the doors closed and the train sped up and headed down the tracks.

Hajime was gone. 

* * *

Tooru sat at his desk at home. He tapped the eraser on his desk. It has been a week--maybe a few days more since Hajime had left off to college. He hadn’t texted him once. Hajime left him on read. Multiple times. 

He let his head slam on the desk, tears started to quickly well up in his eyes as he thought of his childhood friend.

Childhood friend?

Ex childhood friend? What was he?

_ ‘Hajime Iwaizumi, who are you to me?’ _

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I've never written angst before and I barely ever write just Iwaoi so this was really a change for me oh wowie.
> 
> Part II so I can make a happy ending???


End file.
